Troubles of A Married Producer

[massikrbeats]

This I can write a book on. I know I'm not the only one wit a shorty out there. Certaintly not the only one who loves to bang beats. While mixing tracks may be a good experience; mixing producing and marriage is not a mix I can handle and trying to "master" it will take more than a plug-in.

I work, go to school (online), married, and produce. Even without kids, I barely have the time to create music like I want to and this gets me soooo angry. Shorty is supportive at times, but when I explain that I will try to use most of my overtime money to buy an Ozone controller, I get pissed off at because, "(gasp) $300 for a stupid keyboard?" The only thing that I've bought so far was FL Studio for $88. Nice right? I know I'm gonna need more gear in the future and plan to spend wisely. With that said, production gear is gonna be expensive and I'm scared that she'll never realize that and that it'll be a problem when I try to cop something. Don't get me wrong, I don't have to ask her...but she does have the right to know when I make purchases like that. That situatiion and the 'spending more time with her thingy' makes me wanna stop producing all together. Either that or get a divorce.

Thing is though that I don't wanna getta divorce just to continue producing. I'll be unhappy with my decision later on and it'll show through my work. Same thing backwards. Stop producing just cuz shorty trips? NOT HAPPENING.

What should I do?

hOLla!

 

[Cold Truth]

damn.

well, seriously i suggest a looooong talk- let her air out whateevr frustrations or concerns she has. ask her why it bothers her and what bothers her specifically. basically, let her know you care about how she feels and how what you do affects her.

hopefully she will be just as open to what you have to say. dont throw away a MARRIAGE for this- in the end your wife should ALWAYS come first. if she cant support you following your dream, then i would think there are other issues to deal with.

 

[erkl]

when i was attatched, not married, but living together. my other helped me buy gear etc!
we all have our passions and it should be appretiated and supported

 

[Cleverwon]

It goes like this: God, Man, Horse, Dog, Tiny Insect, the Wife, then Dirt. seriously though man, was shorty like this before you got married? Like Cold said, have a long talk. If shorty cant deal with ya love for producing and would rather see you stop, then maybe shorty aint the one fam. Just remember, you gotta be happy in the end so dont make a decision based on someone else's feelings especially if they aint FULLY supportive in the first place. I lived with my girl for 3 1/2 years and she tried that bullshit a couple of times, but i told her straight up that this music shit is first; above her too. I'll tell her to get the fuck up out my house quick, so that shit all stopped for me.

 

[Cold Truth]

its a little different after you have taken marriage vows, clev. she is his WIFE- not girlfriend/mistress/etc... and her feeelings shoul dhave a bearing on what he does. not telling him to give it up, but i will bet that if he takes her feelings into consideration and hears her out, she will be much more openand supportive if he takes that into consideration. these things arent that cut and dry; there is usually more to the story.

 

[bigdmakintrax]

Bottom line is women need your undivided attention especially if it is on a real level like marriage...
you might as well face the fact you will never have that 100% creative time if you aren't producing FULL TIME and getting paid on projects....so with that.....creative time is short single or married but there is more responsiblity be with your wife....whereas if you have just a girl and its not that serious and she doesn't live with you then you got that free creative time and its not a big deal but I can imagine that withdrawing to your lab or computer for hours at a time to make beats prolly spurs arguments and some tension man.......I think maybe you should try something different becuz production is a time killer for sure and it can suck you in more and more.........

 

[Cleverwon]

Just tell her not to ask you to buy her shit with the money you get from producing.

 

[Kevin A]

1st- I wouldn't take any advance from anyone that's not married - there is no substitute

2nd-It takes a man to live up to his marriage vows - vows made before God- Research them if you can't remember (most people bail on for worst)

3rd- she is more important than everything in your life besides God

4th-Do not get a ozone it is too small- you can find cheaper controllers with more keys,
I'd also pick up a mpd16 and update to the full producer version of Flstudio, that would knock out some more otherwise expensive hardware you would have to buy such as a mixing board.


5th- You have to sacrifice something. The best thing for you to do is sacrfice sleep. Wake up early while everyone else is sleep,and begin your session. If your wife is normal, she will want you to bed in bed with her when it's time to sleep.

I hear you bigDmakintrax

 

[Cold Truth]

Just tell her not to ask you to buy her shit with the money you get from producing.

i dont think you get it clev... this is marriage we are talkin about. being vindictive doesnt help the situation. we are trying to help the man with his problem, not destroy his marriage.

 

[massikrbeats]

Just tell her not to ask you to buy her shit with the money you get from producing.

Oh, trust me, she ain't gettin' nada. LOL...you know what though? the truth is that her stank attitude motivates the hell outta me. so I'm glad for it and taking it as an indication that I am doin something right. You know how the story goes....like Kanye all over again (nobody believes in me until I make it)

hollA

 

[Copenhagen]

I would go with Cold here. Talk to her, let her have her say, and then let you have yours. Explain that this is a dream of yours that will cost some time and money, and you will not be happy if you cannot try and fulfill your dream. She will always be no. 1, but music is a big second, and like her, your dying passion.
Tell her you'll do your best to comply with her wishes, as long as she will be supportive of your dream and understand some of the sacrifices it will take. Also, ask her about her dream, and encourage her to get a passion like your's that she can spend time with. If she has one, then her time with her passion will let you have time for yours...
If she is the one, which I guess she is cause you married her (otherwise you're insane ), then there will always be solutions that both can live with...

 

[Kevin A]

Also, don't insult her intelligence by having her vent to you, when you're really not listening (takin it in) and waiting for your turn to talk so you can tell her how much you love making beats. You Probably need to rethink your motive for wanting peace with your wife.

 

[Cold Truth]

ummm if she "aint gettin nada" then what did you marry her for? thats yuor wife... she should be entitled to any and everything you have. i am sure she has reasons why she is bothered by it... .dig a litle deeper and hear her out man..

 

[DJFANTOM]

Im not gonna even try to give you advice cause im a young single male who hasn't been in many serious relationships let alone married. But ur situation is 1 of the reasons I never plan on gettin married any time soon. Basicaly anybody in my life who not only not supports what I do, but also trys to stop me from doing it don't need to be in my life and dat includes family .......

 

[Ozmosis]

Ive been married for a year and a half now, and when you say your buying a $300 keyboard, you have to remember your a team now. Wheather you like it or not whats yours is hers and whats hers is hers . Seriously thou shes thinking your spending $300 on a keyboard when theres things that you two might need more around the house. Like windows, furniture, washer & dryer, and last but not least if your in debt, bills have to be paid. The bad thing is that I know how my wife feels when I get equipment, but I buy it anyway. Somthing as simple as getting some equipment is no real reason to even think of a divorce weather she believes in you or not. The bottom line if you get the keyboard or not she'll get over it.

"The OZ"

 

[BROUSSARD BEATS]

the best thing to do is talk it over with her and if that don't work try and find her a hobby . but 1st you must pay them bills before you buy anything and if that don't work always buy something you can take back to the store lol

you know make her your manager give her something to do

 

[Formant024]

You might spend a 1000 a year on gear, a woman can spend the same amount on cosmetics...

 

[Producer_GyaL]

i think this is serious. If your wife is not happy about it, maybe because it is not the time to use that kind of money in your budget. Maybe she dosent believe that buying your equipement will get you more money in the end. I understand that she may feel insecure about the money issue. All i can say, straigh up your priority with your wife. Yes you both will have to pay things, but in the end, we all have the right to buy something for ourselves. Im a woman and i use fruity loop also. I think im doing alright even though i would not say no to have more material. Anyways, this is serious, you guys are a team, i hope you'll find a way to communicate and to understand each other's need.

 

[KIRK T]

Heres a sneaky way.. Fuck a ozone.. Tell her you need the motif. Fight about it for a couple weeks, & let her think she won when you "comprimise" & get the ozone. lol..

Seriously though, When I first started out, we were just living together & I had to grind my ass off for any gear I bought by doin sessions. Make that shit pay for itself.

Good luck.

 

[MR_P]

Heres a sneaky way.. Fuck a ozone.. Tell her you need the motif. Fight about it for a couple weeks, & let her think she won when you "comprimise" & get the ozone. lol..

Good luck.

Haha, Im gonna give this a go!

Peace.

P