The-Shadow
Ego Sum Vox Manus Deus
ill o.g.
My IllMuzik brothers and sisters:
As the Christmas season approaches, I would like all of you do something for me. Make your Christmas family time extra special this year. In fact, you should go overboard, go crazy; especially where your mom is concerned. I have not had to attend many funerals in my lifetime, I’m thankful for that; but never did I think that on a cold December day, I would have to bury my mom. Even now, I still can’t believe that she’s gone. If you have a great relationship with your mom, tell you care and let her know that. If you’re on the outs with her, squash that beef and make amends. If you’ve had the kind of disagreements I had with my mom, it’s was probably over foolishness anyways. Don’t let any ill feelings ferment and fester between you and her, because as I have learned, you can’t make amends when she’s gone.
--
FROM THE Toronto Star, November 30, 2005 (Obituaries):
[CHANDERPAUL, Shirley Joyce - Passed away at Toronto East General Hospital on Friday, November 25, 2005. Shirley, loving wife of Johnny. Dear mother of David and Andrew and sister of Jane, Eunice, Ralph, Ruby, Pearly, Lloyd and Dennis. Lovingly remembered by her family and friends. Family and friends will be received at the Highland Funeral Home, 3280 Sheppard Ave. East (just west of Warden), Scarborough on Thursday, December 1 from 7-9 p.m. and Friday 2-4 and 7-9 p.m. Visitation at Rosewood Church of the Nazarene (657 Milner Ave., east of Markham Rd.) on Saturday, December 3, 2005 from 9 a.m. until the time of the service at 10 a.m. Interment Duffin Meadows Cemetery. Donations to the Rosewood Church of the Nazarene would be appreciated by the family.]
Entered the TEGH on November 17, 2005 for gallbladder removal, died on November 25, 2005 from sudden respiratory failure due to pulmonary embolism. We believe complications during the surgery contributed to her death.
“We had this gift, which we never knew…” [Ted Croft]
--
I do not know how we will pass Christmas this year or how we will pass New Year’s Day. Somehow we will have to pass it, but it will pass painfully this year. My family and I have not had the strength to go and see her at the cemetery since she was buried but we will all go to see her on New Year’s Eve just before her sisters return to Guyana at the stroke of midnight. Two of her sisters had not seen her in ten years until they were flown up to Canada with emergency visas to attend her funeral. I had never seen so many people at a funeral before in my life, a testament to her impact on those around her.
I didn’t realize how much time had passed since I had last been on IllMuzik, I’m glad to see that the knowledge still flows freely. Let me leave you now with some knowledge which I have learned since this tragedy occurred…
1. Get your medical checkup done every year. Always know where you stand as far as your health is concerned. If you’re all good, stay that way. If you have to lose weight or bring down that cholesterol, do it. There aren’t enough Big Macs in the world to match the value of your life or the lives of your loved ones.
2. If you’re married or in a serious relationship where you are interdependent on one another, tell that person everything that is going on financially and medically. We’ve learned first hand how devastating these secrets can be and what pain can result from not sharing such important information with those important to you. Doing this will prevent you from having to agonize over the one question I’ve been fighting with for the last three weeks…Why?
3. Insurance…get it. On everything. Your mortgage, your credit cards (especially if you got high balance plastic hiding in your wallet and most importantly, your life. You can get good policies with high payouts at really good premiums. Shop around and know what kind of policy you're getting and the conditions of the insurance. Should you or someone you know pass on, at least you know they won’t get stuck with bankruptcy instead of memories.
4. If you get shot in the head, you’re going into the trauma unit regardless if you like it or not. If you’re going in for an elective procedure (something you choose to do, unless it becomes life-threatening) like my mom did, make sure you ask questions. Get to know the surgeon, ask his/her previous patients about their experiences, and ask about the surgery itself. Make sure you know the pros and cons, the risks and benefits of it before you sign any forms. If you know a family member or friend that had the same operation you want to do, ask them about it or better still, take them with you to the doctor. If you know you’re not healthy enough to undergo major surgery, follow Step 1 and don’t even think about doing it until you know you’re ready. Only you know if you’re good to go, your doctor is not you. Don’t go into these things unprepared. Always assume it’s major surgery you’re going for. If my mom (God rest her soul) had done these things, she may still have been with us today.
5. Always learn from an event like this, if something like this happens to you or to someone you know, make sure you tell others. I’m not Jesus, I don’t control life and death; but if by telling you this, I can help prevent this tragedy in our family from happening to you or to someone you know, then I did the right thing and Mom’s death will have added meaning.
6. Healing will take time, I haven’t even begun to see the light much less the end of the tunnel, but I have picked myself up, dusted myself off and have started to walk as strong as I can, honoring her memory as I move, it’s not easy but the goal is to try.
This post is a little wordy; I apologize. Writing this has been like a therapy for me, but I hope you find something useful from it. At first, I could only focus on the pain, but I’ve seen many miracles happen since her death. We prayed for God to work a miracle to save her life in the hospital as she fought against the breathing machines and tubes down her throat to speak her last words to us. He heard our prayer but it wasn’t the miracle we we’re counting for. My Dad and his siblings have ended a years long feud. My Mom’s sisters who were trying to come to Canada for years finally made it through without a hitch to attend her funeral. People who through the years faded away into other places and other spaces have re-emerged in our lives and are here to stay. More tiny miracles are coming every day and will for sometime to come.
The night she left for the hospital, Mom got up very early and was moving about the house. What she was doing we would not learn until the day she died and we came home from the hospital after the coroner had come for her body. Under the Christmas tree, which is still unlit because she was supposed to come home that day and light it and all the other lights decorating the house, we saw two presents. Why are there presents under the tree so early? She wasn’t supposed to start shopping for another two weeks; she was a big last minute shopper. Those gifts have two names on them, one is for my brother and one is for my Dad. It was then that we realized that she might have known the whole time that she was not coming home. When my Dad realized this and saw that there was no present under the tree for me, he started to cry. I grabbed him by the shoulders and told him, that I didn’t need a gift from her under that tree. When I saw the nurse stop the CPR and the heart monitor flatline and all the tubes and needles and IV racks were removed. I cleared the room and it was just me and my dead mother lying in peace on her bed. I immediately flashed back to ten minutes before and remembering her trying to talk, and then I came back to reality and just stared at her and started to cry. As her soul left that room, she left a gift behind there for me; a newfound awareness, a new creativity, and a new ability to analyze and make better choices. An ability to take a choice and break it down into its component parts and choose the best course of action in any case. Abilities I wish I had when I was younger, abilities that would have shaped me into a far better person than the one who writes this piece now. By the way…I failed most of high school and just scraped through college, I could not write a paragraph to save my life much less a 1500 word message post.
I must leave you all for now for a while we take care of her affairs and try to get through this holiday season. If time permits, I may pop in again before the turn of the year. My lab is in pieces since the wake at our house, but it will be rewired and the tunes will flow once again someday soon.
Till then, I wish all of you and yours a Merry Christmas and the Lord’s richest blessings in 2K6. If you are a person that prays, say a little prayer for the Shadow and his family tonight. Christmas is family time, don’t let the marketing people and the shopping malls steer you away from the real reason for the season. And don’t forget to treat your mom right this year.
Peace.
EDITED for spelling errors.
As the Christmas season approaches, I would like all of you do something for me. Make your Christmas family time extra special this year. In fact, you should go overboard, go crazy; especially where your mom is concerned. I have not had to attend many funerals in my lifetime, I’m thankful for that; but never did I think that on a cold December day, I would have to bury my mom. Even now, I still can’t believe that she’s gone. If you have a great relationship with your mom, tell you care and let her know that. If you’re on the outs with her, squash that beef and make amends. If you’ve had the kind of disagreements I had with my mom, it’s was probably over foolishness anyways. Don’t let any ill feelings ferment and fester between you and her, because as I have learned, you can’t make amends when she’s gone.
--
FROM THE Toronto Star, November 30, 2005 (Obituaries):
[CHANDERPAUL, Shirley Joyce - Passed away at Toronto East General Hospital on Friday, November 25, 2005. Shirley, loving wife of Johnny. Dear mother of David and Andrew and sister of Jane, Eunice, Ralph, Ruby, Pearly, Lloyd and Dennis. Lovingly remembered by her family and friends. Family and friends will be received at the Highland Funeral Home, 3280 Sheppard Ave. East (just west of Warden), Scarborough on Thursday, December 1 from 7-9 p.m. and Friday 2-4 and 7-9 p.m. Visitation at Rosewood Church of the Nazarene (657 Milner Ave., east of Markham Rd.) on Saturday, December 3, 2005 from 9 a.m. until the time of the service at 10 a.m. Interment Duffin Meadows Cemetery. Donations to the Rosewood Church of the Nazarene would be appreciated by the family.]
Entered the TEGH on November 17, 2005 for gallbladder removal, died on November 25, 2005 from sudden respiratory failure due to pulmonary embolism. We believe complications during the surgery contributed to her death.
“We had this gift, which we never knew…” [Ted Croft]
--
I do not know how we will pass Christmas this year or how we will pass New Year’s Day. Somehow we will have to pass it, but it will pass painfully this year. My family and I have not had the strength to go and see her at the cemetery since she was buried but we will all go to see her on New Year’s Eve just before her sisters return to Guyana at the stroke of midnight. Two of her sisters had not seen her in ten years until they were flown up to Canada with emergency visas to attend her funeral. I had never seen so many people at a funeral before in my life, a testament to her impact on those around her.
I didn’t realize how much time had passed since I had last been on IllMuzik, I’m glad to see that the knowledge still flows freely. Let me leave you now with some knowledge which I have learned since this tragedy occurred…
1. Get your medical checkup done every year. Always know where you stand as far as your health is concerned. If you’re all good, stay that way. If you have to lose weight or bring down that cholesterol, do it. There aren’t enough Big Macs in the world to match the value of your life or the lives of your loved ones.
2. If you’re married or in a serious relationship where you are interdependent on one another, tell that person everything that is going on financially and medically. We’ve learned first hand how devastating these secrets can be and what pain can result from not sharing such important information with those important to you. Doing this will prevent you from having to agonize over the one question I’ve been fighting with for the last three weeks…Why?
3. Insurance…get it. On everything. Your mortgage, your credit cards (especially if you got high balance plastic hiding in your wallet and most importantly, your life. You can get good policies with high payouts at really good premiums. Shop around and know what kind of policy you're getting and the conditions of the insurance. Should you or someone you know pass on, at least you know they won’t get stuck with bankruptcy instead of memories.
4. If you get shot in the head, you’re going into the trauma unit regardless if you like it or not. If you’re going in for an elective procedure (something you choose to do, unless it becomes life-threatening) like my mom did, make sure you ask questions. Get to know the surgeon, ask his/her previous patients about their experiences, and ask about the surgery itself. Make sure you know the pros and cons, the risks and benefits of it before you sign any forms. If you know a family member or friend that had the same operation you want to do, ask them about it or better still, take them with you to the doctor. If you know you’re not healthy enough to undergo major surgery, follow Step 1 and don’t even think about doing it until you know you’re ready. Only you know if you’re good to go, your doctor is not you. Don’t go into these things unprepared. Always assume it’s major surgery you’re going for. If my mom (God rest her soul) had done these things, she may still have been with us today.
5. Always learn from an event like this, if something like this happens to you or to someone you know, make sure you tell others. I’m not Jesus, I don’t control life and death; but if by telling you this, I can help prevent this tragedy in our family from happening to you or to someone you know, then I did the right thing and Mom’s death will have added meaning.
6. Healing will take time, I haven’t even begun to see the light much less the end of the tunnel, but I have picked myself up, dusted myself off and have started to walk as strong as I can, honoring her memory as I move, it’s not easy but the goal is to try.
This post is a little wordy; I apologize. Writing this has been like a therapy for me, but I hope you find something useful from it. At first, I could only focus on the pain, but I’ve seen many miracles happen since her death. We prayed for God to work a miracle to save her life in the hospital as she fought against the breathing machines and tubes down her throat to speak her last words to us. He heard our prayer but it wasn’t the miracle we we’re counting for. My Dad and his siblings have ended a years long feud. My Mom’s sisters who were trying to come to Canada for years finally made it through without a hitch to attend her funeral. People who through the years faded away into other places and other spaces have re-emerged in our lives and are here to stay. More tiny miracles are coming every day and will for sometime to come.
The night she left for the hospital, Mom got up very early and was moving about the house. What she was doing we would not learn until the day she died and we came home from the hospital after the coroner had come for her body. Under the Christmas tree, which is still unlit because she was supposed to come home that day and light it and all the other lights decorating the house, we saw two presents. Why are there presents under the tree so early? She wasn’t supposed to start shopping for another two weeks; she was a big last minute shopper. Those gifts have two names on them, one is for my brother and one is for my Dad. It was then that we realized that she might have known the whole time that she was not coming home. When my Dad realized this and saw that there was no present under the tree for me, he started to cry. I grabbed him by the shoulders and told him, that I didn’t need a gift from her under that tree. When I saw the nurse stop the CPR and the heart monitor flatline and all the tubes and needles and IV racks were removed. I cleared the room and it was just me and my dead mother lying in peace on her bed. I immediately flashed back to ten minutes before and remembering her trying to talk, and then I came back to reality and just stared at her and started to cry. As her soul left that room, she left a gift behind there for me; a newfound awareness, a new creativity, and a new ability to analyze and make better choices. An ability to take a choice and break it down into its component parts and choose the best course of action in any case. Abilities I wish I had when I was younger, abilities that would have shaped me into a far better person than the one who writes this piece now. By the way…I failed most of high school and just scraped through college, I could not write a paragraph to save my life much less a 1500 word message post.
I must leave you all for now for a while we take care of her affairs and try to get through this holiday season. If time permits, I may pop in again before the turn of the year. My lab is in pieces since the wake at our house, but it will be rewired and the tunes will flow once again someday soon.
Till then, I wish all of you and yours a Merry Christmas and the Lord’s richest blessings in 2K6. If you are a person that prays, say a little prayer for the Shadow and his family tonight. Christmas is family time, don’t let the marketing people and the shopping malls steer you away from the real reason for the season. And don’t forget to treat your mom right this year.
Peace.
EDITED for spelling errors.
