God
Creator of the Universe
ill o.g.
Look, I haven't written a release in a long time, but when I write one – you have to GRAB THE REPORTER'S FUCKING ATTENTION with your subject line. Some of you reporter fucks will say that it should be more “standard.” I didn't check this for grammar (important) and if it works with AP style (the writing style used by reporters – AP standards for “Associated Press”.) I did this in a couple minutes, so fuck off if you see problems with it 
. Have fun with your PR campaign. LEARN THAT IF YOU GET YOUR PR SHIT ON-POINT YOU WILL BE MORE SUCCESSFUL IN PROMOTING YOURSELF BECAUSE: “how many local rappers do you know that do shit like this?” Guess you should have NOT fucking ditched English class back in high school.
The text formatting on this forum is kind of shitty, so bear with me. Generally, the subject headers should be in the "Tahoma" font.
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For Immediate Release
May 24, 2008
Contact: Jesus H. Christ (666) 555-3456
BROOKLYN, New York - Slash Brothers, a rap duo from Brighton Beach, New York, released their first album “Crushin' Pussy n' Smashin' Carz” yesterday with a CD release party at “Russian Mob's Vodka Bong-Hit” nightclub in Far Rockaway, New York. Over (link to a picture of a crowd at your show 200 people attended (/link) and the event that went well into the morning. The New York Police Department was allegedly called for crowd control and potential indecency among partygoers.
M.C. I Fucked Ya Mom While She Was Passed Out, one member of the rap duo, laudes the (link to your album page new album (/link) and turnout for the event:
“It means a lot that so many people came to support the new Slash Brothers album. The record is a combination of hip-hop, jungle, techno, and Guatemalan folk music -- it unifies people across all cultures and musical boundaries. We look forward to playing our (link to booked date at first club show first club show(/link) supporting the album. We need to spread our message of peace, love and loose sex.”
The album's first single (link directly to an mp3 of song“Damn, Girl You Is Four-Fingers Wide? I Can Almost Fist That Shit?”(/link) is a rumbling array of Somali rhythms coupled with the Slash Brothers' Twista-like rap delivery. The desperation of a wronged lover lit the creative fire for this club-banger. DJ FuQ, the other half of the slashing duo, explains:
“I found out one of my seven girlfriends was cheating on me. It was nasty – and the track really touches on feelings of guilt and the physical aspect of cheating – like, where did I go wrong? Will I get gonorrhea now? It's an emotional song that makes you question the one you love.”
“Crushin' Pussy n' Smashin' Carz” exhibits lyrical mastery intertwined with beats polished to a powerful shine with (link to song list on your web site) every song(/link). It's easy to see why the NYPD was allegedly called for crowd control at the Slash Brothers album release party: (link to a on-spot video of some friends saying you're the shitthe people loved it.(/link.)
(link to your album pageShouldn't you?(/link)
- CLICK HERE to visit the Slash Brothers' press center for the new album in mp3 format and further press resources (photos, bio, interviews - have a “Media Center” page where reporters can access all your releases, bio, hi-quality photos for publication, videos, further explanation of album.)
* It's debatable. We don't have the pictures, but if you find them- send them over.
What I did in this example is to use a catchy subject header, and then in the sub-heading, I actually said something “real” about you. Call yourself out on the “joke” in the first header with the asterisked remark. You'll get some props for it, and it'll ease tensions with the dude reading it.
Note the strategic use of links – this is basically saying: “LOOK, REPORTER FUCK – I'm HAND FEEDING you a fucking story. PUBLISH THIS SHIT on your STUPID BLOG.”
Make the reporters feel “cool” like they're “in” with something. Reporters are essentially nerds so they need someone to feed their weak as shit ego.
Fuck 'em, they can't make beats. If you do shit like this, you will be a step ahead of every dumbass rapper on your block – and people will actually respect you for trying.
If you think this release is 'bad'. You should see some of the shit that Universal sends out. They're awful.
. Have fun with your PR campaign. LEARN THAT IF YOU GET YOUR PR SHIT ON-POINT YOU WILL BE MORE SUCCESSFUL IN PROMOTING YOURSELF BECAUSE: “how many local rappers do you know that do shit like this?” Guess you should have NOT fucking ditched English class back in high school.The text formatting on this forum is kind of shitty, so bear with me. Generally, the subject headers should be in the "Tahoma" font.
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(Band/rapper logo JPEG up here – make it look professional)
For Immediate Release
May 24, 2008
Contact: Jesus H. Christ (666) 555-3456
What would you do if throngs of women dropped their panties at your CD release party?*
Slash Brothers release new album, police allegedly called for indecency violations at party
BROOKLYN, New York - Slash Brothers, a rap duo from Brighton Beach, New York, released their first album “Crushin' Pussy n' Smashin' Carz” yesterday with a CD release party at “Russian Mob's Vodka Bong-Hit” nightclub in Far Rockaway, New York. Over (link to a picture of a crowd at your show
200 people attended (/link) and the event that went well into the morning. The New York Police Department was allegedly called for crowd control and potential indecency among partygoers.M.C. I Fucked Ya Mom While She Was Passed Out, one member of the rap duo, laudes the (link to your album page
new album (/link) and turnout for the event:“It means a lot that so many people came to support the new Slash Brothers album. The record is a combination of hip-hop, jungle, techno, and Guatemalan folk music -- it unifies people across all cultures and musical boundaries. We look forward to playing our (link to booked date at first club show
first club show(/link) supporting the album. We need to spread our message of peace, love and loose sex.” The album's first single (link directly to an mp3 of song
“Damn, Girl You Is Four-Fingers Wide? I Can Almost Fist That Shit?”(/link) is a rumbling array of Somali rhythms coupled with the Slash Brothers' Twista-like rap delivery. The desperation of a wronged lover lit the creative fire for this club-banger. DJ FuQ, the other half of the slashing duo, explains:“I found out one of my seven girlfriends was cheating on me. It was nasty – and the track really touches on feelings of guilt and the physical aspect of cheating – like, where did I go wrong? Will I get gonorrhea now? It's an emotional song that makes you question the one you love.”
“Crushin' Pussy n' Smashin' Carz” exhibits lyrical mastery intertwined with beats polished to a powerful shine with (link to song list on your web site) every song(/link). It's easy to see why the NYPD was allegedly called for crowd control at the Slash Brothers album release party: (link to a on-spot video of some friends saying you're the shit
the people loved it.(/link.)(link to your album page
Shouldn't you?(/link)- CLICK HERE to visit the Slash Brothers' press center for the new album in mp3 format and further press resources (photos, bio, interviews - have a “Media Center” page where reporters can access all your releases, bio, hi-quality photos for publication, videos, further explanation of album.)
* It's debatable. We don't have the pictures, but if you find them- send them over.
# # #
or
* * * * *
(always end your release with number signs or asterisks)
There, now write one every three days about something you do. Ha! Writing skills! And your writing will get ripped on by elitist journalism school fucks because you fucked up on your grammar or used a comma instead of a hyphen.or
* * * * *
(always end your release with number signs or asterisks)
What I did in this example is to use a catchy subject header, and then in the sub-heading, I actually said something “real” about you. Call yourself out on the “joke” in the first header with the asterisked remark. You'll get some props for it, and it'll ease tensions with the dude reading it.
Note the strategic use of links – this is basically saying: “LOOK, REPORTER FUCK – I'm HAND FEEDING you a fucking story. PUBLISH THIS SHIT on your STUPID BLOG.”
Make the reporters feel “cool” like they're “in” with something. Reporters are essentially nerds so they need someone to feed their weak as shit ego.
Fuck 'em, they can't make beats. If you do shit like this, you will be a step ahead of every dumbass rapper on your block – and people will actually respect you for trying.
If you think this release is 'bad'. You should see some of the shit that Universal sends out. They're awful.
